Do you know how many times each day you express your opinions- your “2 cents”? Do these opinions in a typical day regard critically important issues, doctrinal statements of faith, or regarding our role in the universe? As I think about it, not many opinions I give each day are of that important of a nature. There are ample opportunities to give minute opinions and “2 cents” just on social media alone. Interactions all day long face-to-face with those around us. Phone calls, emails, texts…
The Nanosecond Opinion Pause
The other day, I was in the kitchen when my husband came in and told me excitedly his plans for what he was working on in his shop. Automatically, I enthusiastically joined in with my innocent and positive 2 cents. Giving a further suggestion of how he could use his project, I thought that I was showing support and enthusiasm by chiming in with an idea. There was an almost imperceptible little facial change in my husband’s face. A slight millisecond. But I saw it and paused. After 20+ years of marriage, how is it that I haven’t noticed this little nanosecond?
Next up, one of my children was working on their own project but struggling with an awkward process. As any good mother likes to help and make something smoother, I suggested a less awkward move. My child was pleased to be successful. But another nanosecond pause. No facial change but I noticed that the full joy of conquering a a challenge was not quite as full and robust.
These are normal, almost mundane, interactions in a mom’s life everyday. Helping, suggesting, coaxing. But…. how much of it is just that I am used to giving my 2 cents on EVERYTHING?
The Expensive 2 Cents “Having an Opinion” Bank
To do a short experiment, I noticed and caught myself each time I was about to put my helpful 2 cents into an interaction. I was unpleasantly surprised by how much “cash” I put into the opinion “bank” of the day. Let’s be clear here, it is not wrong to have an opinion or to give it. There is nothing wrong with trying to help a family member or being excited to share in someone’s ideas and participate. I am referring to all the unsolicited helpful hints we give out each day.
If I pause to think– how expensive are these 2 cents? I could clearly see in that nanosecond that I had slightly robbed my husband of his enthusiasm for telling me HIS project with my inserting additional add-ons into it. He probably wouldn’t even have registered this slight nanosecond decrease in his reaction at the time or remember this encounter it was so fleeting.
To add a suggestion to my child figuring out a tricky process slightly denied my child the full rightful joy and bragging rights of being the ultimate conqueror of the challenge. Like a knight in battle or an inspired creator, these little teeny helpful 2 cents can add up over time to a slightly weakened knight and a slightly stifled creator.
Are Having too Many Opinions a Form of Self-Centeredness?
When I think about the scenarios where I insert my additional ideas to a project or someone speaking to me, how many times does it involve what I think would be best? How many times does this insert ME into THEIR issue, plans, projects. Something to ponder,–does my habit of inserting my 2 cents reflect a a form of self-centeredness in some way?
It doesn’t fall into the regular definition of a full fledged self-centered person that we have a mental picture of and public behavior we have an aversion to. But a muted and deceptive tinge of self-centeredness so subtle and hidden that we don’t even know or recognize it?
This particular brand of self-centeredness can also be stripped back and defined as the subconscious need to assert and be the boss by having a say and a seemingly innocent opinion on every and all topics. Hiding in the guise of “just trying to be encouraging and helpful”. A struggle that goes clear back to the Garden of Eden.
Strengthening the Creator and the Knight
We enjoy a uniquely individualistic confidence in this modern age. I have gotten used to being able to have an opinion and express it on EVERY LITTLE THING that crosses my path and field of vision. These are not in and of themselves negative. But if I pause and just let the creative struggle a bit, the enthusiastic inventor tell their ideas, the knight fight the challenge and conquer it I may help more in the long run than that measly 2 cents.
Just OBSERVE, applaud, and store the 2 cents. I might just notice a joy in return by seeing a huge smile and unbridled excitement emanate from those around me that saturates. These are things we get to experience to a large measure each day as a parent but how much could they be enhanced? As moms, wives, sisters, daughters, fellow humans– we want to be helpful by nature. This may be the most helpful thing I can do in a day– lose “money” by giving up all those little 2 cents. Having but leaving silent many of those opinions.
What does the Great Fisherman say about speaking opinions?
The Bible places great importance on the power of the words we speak. Below is a freebie for you listing just a few verses that pinpoint the value of when and how to speak. The value of LISTENING and refraining from speaking is a very important skill. If you are like me and need reminders to just enjoy others speaking to you and listen instead of trying to “fix” everything, then feel free to download and study what our Creator says to help us with our 2 cent bank along with a coloring page version to let it sink in. If you need more, you can see a list of 100 verses here.
What about outside the home and social media?
Ahhh, social media. The manner sucking bad-behavior enhancing tool that makes gentle, kind people show their ugly side that they would never act like face-to-face? Oops, there goes the bank again. But, kidding aside, don’t think that your bank stops at your own front door. We are witnesses for God and light to the community not just to our families. In a dark world, does your 2 cents reflect that in the way you behave outside your home-sphere?
Think about the last comment you made on a platform. Was it “helpful”, critical, snarky, rude, or opinionated? Hmmm, maybe re-evaluate what motivates you.
Do not crush the spirit
As people of the light and representing Jesus, we always strive to more like Him to those we are in charge of, married to, influence. In our haste to help, let us not be spirit crushers. We must be willing to listen first and acquire knowledge and wisdom.
"The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
for the ears of the wise seek it out."
Proverbs 18:14-15 NIV
I’ve been noticing this a lot about myself too. Thanks for the insight. I need to start self-regulating.
I find that I have to remind myself in the moment. A matter of training the mind and catch it before the fact and not right after;) Hard to do for sure!
Allison Joy, thank you for the comment. I hope you enjoy!